Just FYI.

[xiane]

Unless you're a musician-type friend of mine, or you're running a meme/sensitive-type post thing, I will be defriending all people who auto-screen comments from friends as I find them.

There's a thin veil of implication of trust when I add someone to my friends list. I *want* their opinions and I'm neither ashamed of them nor nervous to get them. When the same courtesy isn't extended back, we're not friends. I don't need and I don't want anyone in my life that can't stand up to my opinions and thoughts.

You don't have to like this policy; feel free to remove me if it bothers you. I'm not hammering down on obvious and called-for uses of the screen function, I'm talking about people who consistently screen comments after the fact [and hide posts after the fact] when a friend makes a point that they don't like.
If you want to do that, that's fine, it's your journal and you're obviously free to do so. But I find that someone hiding my words for any other reason than to protect everyone in a sensitive situation, or for fun guessing memes, isn't a game I want to play... so I'm pulling the plug.

* If you aren't friended by me, your comments are auto-screened to prevent spamming. I'll reveal 'em as I get 'em. But if you aren't friended by me, and I know you and know you have a journal, there's probably a good reason why I haven't added you. Take that for what you will. LJ isn't a popularity contest for me, it's just frickin' LJ.

I'm not playing these bullshit games.

[edit] - Just to be clear: passive-aggressive screening/deleting is what I'm talking about.

Comments

[mmymoon.livejournal.com]

How about deleter-ers? I make it a policy to delete any comments along the lines of "Thing that you like sucks!" or "Dummy, you should've done this!"

But it's all part of my Zen of Cute lifestyle. Okay, so I don't always live up to my goals, but um... I'm trying. *goes to cuteoverload*

[xiane.livejournal.com]

Do you have people on your friends list who say that to you [and mean it]?

I would pose that people who phrase it like that aren't your friend.
Everyone knows that to make an impact you must wrap criticism in chocolate or fluffy bunny fur. [preferably with a bunny in the fur, for maximum cuddle!]

[xiane.livejournal.com]

You're free to quote me anytime you want! ♥

ps - your icon mesmerizes me. Rob and I kept talking about it yesterday :D

[xiane.livejournal.com]

I was trying really hard to express in this post that what you're talking about falls under "fair-use" in my eyes. I know that often you post something to work through or vent or the like and then hide/delete it later. It isn't passive-aggressive, though, and that's what I'm tired of. There are a few people in particular that are VERY passive-aggressive with the screening/deleting, and dammit, that's not the game I want to play.

You, I have zero complaints with, my friend.

"...post became a piece in someone else's game of Scene Politics Chess. (Long story short, I had friends spinning at two clubs, and not everyone likes one of them.)"

Oooh, I've had that situation one too many times. And yeah, that makes sense to me too.

[hecatemacbeth.livejournal.com]

This is what I'm trying to say in my comment to you today. It wasn't deleted. Deleting IS passive-aggressive, on my part. It was locked privately, so when I calm down, I can make a post about it with the link to the other.

For me - it's a lot better to make a post in LJ, than to ruin my husband's or my son's day by ranting and raving about it (he doesn't know about the retail world/customers/etc, because he spins metal all day and is very antisocial....so all he knows about it, is from what he's seen with me at work thus far).

I honestly didn't mean to offend you or Rob. I treasure you both, extremely. There are a lot of times when I don't know what to say. I'm not good with consoling people and missing family. Saying I'm sorry, when it's not someone's fault, in my past, has made people feel worse. :(

Maybe, at some point, instead of comments/posts, we can talk on AIM - so there's a steady flow of "understanding" instead of "Jade made a pissy post, I'll comment, and of course, she'll take it the wrong way, as usual."

I don't like you feeling that way. I try NOT to treat you OR Rob in that light.

[jukebox-heroine.livejournal.com]

I delete my posts all the time because I rail about something insignificant or I get all emo and then I am embarrassed. My El Jay is pretty light and fluff most of the time. I really don't want the entire world to know when I am sad. I have a very short fuse sometimes. Usually I'll delete them within a few minutes of them going up, so people don't have time to respond, or they really don't know what to say.

If people start acting like idiots in a comment thread though (and I don't think it's ever gotten out of hand in my journal, really), I leave it there. It's THEM that looks like an ass. Not me.

[silent-muse.livejournal.com]

I was in that phase for a long time too, though I think I'm done with it now.

I used to write things that were very scathing because that's the mood I was in, and then I'd quickly realize all the damage that would cause and delete it as soon as I could. Now I just think a lot more before I post.

I also had the problem with things I wrote getting horribly misconstrued to the point where a simple vent or rant that took about 5 seconds to write became an LJ flame war, and I just couldn't tolerate it.

However, lately I've gone back to just not caring. I tend not to post heavily volatile things anymore anyway, but I'll take dissenting opinions any day. And if some dumbo wants to use my little nothing post as a soapbox, let 'em. It'll be easier to target them when I'm launching my tomatoes. . .

[bluelens.livejournal.com]

I dont quite understand the need to screen comments. If you don't embrace your opinion strong enough to be able to handle dissenters, and have it seen by others, then why make the statements.

I also cannot grasp those that will block anyone from posting a comment unless they are on the "friend's list". Why would you want to say something publicly and not allow the public to respond? Maybe I'm just not intelligent enough to understand.

[xiane.livejournal.com]

I started screening non-friends because I was promoting and often would get spammy-type comments. Now I keep that policy because it keeps the spam-bot posters off my journal, but I unscreen all comments from real people. It isn't to keep non-friends from commenting, but to keep my journal from being spamfodder.

I totally agree with your thoughts on screening. I am not embarrassed by any opinions I espouse, so why should I fear what others have to say? Stand by what you say, that's my policy.

[eure-maum.livejournal.com]

you go girl!

and i hope you keep me since i dont' think i've ever screened any of my post comments

[inefficiency.livejournal.com]

Non-sequitur: I feel like your icon is going to eat me.

[xiane.livejournal.com]

You're not going anywhere, silly. I know you're a true-blue friend who actually wants to hear what I have to say, as I do with you.

passive aggressive bullshit is B.S.

[alannakitty.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure that I don't do that PA of screening and what not. I keep my journal friends only b/c I have learned the hard way that some things should just not be out for public consumption. I think I have used the "screen-comments" thing like 3 times in the time I've had my LJ. And usually, it is b/c I'm writing about something sensitive, I want people to feel free to express themselves without fear of someone else reading what they have to say and I want to be able to have a private conversation about the sensitive subject while communicating to my friends what is going on.

I hope you are doing well. Give husband, kitty and yourself hugs from me!

Re: passive aggressive bullshit is B.S.

[xiane.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, you need to have a safe space.

You know pretty well who your friends are, though. And knowing your friends, I'm betting you know how most of us feel about most subjects. We wouldn't be your friends, otherwise. :)

I will pass along the hugs!

[dusks-requiem.livejournal.com]

Yea, I feel the same way some times.

[xiane.livejournal.com]

You seem like an open and thinking person; I'm glad you added me to your FL. That's the kind of people I want in my life.

[parkas-4-kids.livejournal.com]

"[edit] - Just to be clear: passive-aggressive screening/deleting is what I'm talking about."

okay, good. i somehow thought that The Xiane no longer had love for The Kirk. if that were true i would cry, but thankfully it's not.

...right?

[xiane.livejournal.com]

How could that EVER be! The Kirk is The Awesome.

[osiris909.livejournal.com]

No, I don't screen comments and I don't delete entries at all (including spam).

I just don't have the time to do so. My LJ is for LJ users only. I do double post LJ entries in my Dead Journal. Non-LJ users can post there all they want. My most harsh and "devil may care" entries are sometimes posted there.

I am a moderator at a forum, and I am used to a lot give and take comments. I don't control the dialogue in my any journals that I have. That's just me.

I have come across some journals that do allow some "drama" in the entries. Some people in a way, find that quite entertaining. I very rarely start "drama" but I don't run away from it either.

There is also a "private" entry option in LJ if one is concerned about comments being misrepresented.
(Reply to this

[xiane.livejournal.com]

No, you're an upstanding person that way. I've always thought of you as a "I stand by what I say" kind of person, and I thank you for that.

Screening isn't my style.

[bukakke4justice.livejournal.com]

I screen no one, I rather like it when people give me ther thuaghts. Even if they are wrong or in any way anti me. I am having a hard time trying to come up with a reason someone would not want your thaughts, You have never said anything mean, or hurtful, or demeaning sence I have known you.

Re: Screening isn't my style.

[xiane.livejournal.com]

That's one of the things I like about you - and btw, I'm glad you're back!
You dont take shit, but you also will *listen* to people before you make up your mind, or at least will listen to them and then keep on in your already established direction. You're a strong personality without having to prove yourself, and that's what I like in people.

Some people only want yes-men in their lives, hence the behaviour that I've mentioned that I'm walking away from. I think that I generally try to offer any dissenting opinions in a way that is fair and non-confrontational, and as a friend, I think it's my duty to tell someone when I see something that might hurt them... even if it's their own behaviour. I'm glad you think I've done this well so far, because that's all I ever wanted to be to my friends - helpful and supportive without being mean or pushy or cruel.

Thanks for your words, Mr. Vex.

[inefficiency.livejournal.com]

I don't even put in many friends-only posts. I consider myself to have accomplished something if one of the [rare] posts I make results in someone who doesn't even have a LiveJournal is drawn to respond.

I remember trying to make filters once, because I had two pretty separate groups of friends and I didn't think I wanted to bore one with tales of the other. Then I don't think I ever used those, or if I did, it was only for a really short time.

At any rate, it's for the same reason behind why I have had a lot of buddies on my AIM list and why I use the same screenname on all the forums I join: I'm the same person, everywhere I go. The opinions don't change, and I stand behind everything I say. If I embarass myself with something, I'm okay with that being pretty clear to people, and apologizing for it where necessary. (And I've made an ass out of myself more than once in LJ.)

I don't think I've ever deleted a comment off of my journal. I never understood how screening worked. I only tend to post ramblings that I want comments on, ramblings other people actively want to see, or "venting" that I trust to those whose LJs I've friended. And if they want to call me on acting like an idiot, even when I'm just ranting my head off, then I welcome the repartee.

So, yeah. I keep it simple. And open. And long as shit, without an LJ-cut to speak of. =D