Just FYI.

[xiane]

Unless you're a musician-type friend of mine, or you're running a meme/sensitive-type post thing, I will be defriending all people who auto-screen comments from friends as I find them.

There's a thin veil of implication of trust when I add someone to my friends list. I *want* their opinions and I'm neither ashamed of them nor nervous to get them. When the same courtesy isn't extended back, we're not friends. I don't need and I don't want anyone in my life that can't stand up to my opinions and thoughts.

You don't have to like this policy; feel free to remove me if it bothers you. I'm not hammering down on obvious and called-for uses of the screen function, I'm talking about people who consistently screen comments after the fact [and hide posts after the fact] when a friend makes a point that they don't like.
If you want to do that, that's fine, it's your journal and you're obviously free to do so. But I find that someone hiding my words for any other reason than to protect everyone in a sensitive situation, or for fun guessing memes, isn't a game I want to play... so I'm pulling the plug.

* If you aren't friended by me, your comments are auto-screened to prevent spamming. I'll reveal 'em as I get 'em. But if you aren't friended by me, and I know you and know you have a journal, there's probably a good reason why I haven't added you. Take that for what you will. LJ isn't a popularity contest for me, it's just frickin' LJ.

I'm not playing these bullshit games.

[edit] - Just to be clear: passive-aggressive screening/deleting is what I'm talking about.

Comments

[mmymoon.livejournal.com]

How about deleter-ers? I make it a policy to delete any comments along the lines of "Thing that you like sucks!" or "Dummy, you should've done this!"

But it's all part of my Zen of Cute lifestyle. Okay, so I don't always live up to my goals, but um... I'm trying. *goes to cuteoverload*

[xiane.livejournal.com]

Do you have people on your friends list who say that to you [and mean it]?

I would pose that people who phrase it like that aren't your friend.
Everyone knows that to make an impact you must wrap criticism in chocolate or fluffy bunny fur. [preferably with a bunny in the fur, for maximum cuddle!]

[xiane.livejournal.com]

I was trying really hard to express in this post that what you're talking about falls under "fair-use" in my eyes. I know that often you post something to work through or vent or the like and then hide/delete it later. It isn't passive-aggressive, though, and that's what I'm tired of. There are a few people in particular that are VERY passive-aggressive with the screening/deleting, and dammit, that's not the game I want to play.

You, I have zero complaints with, my friend.

"...post became a piece in someone else's game of Scene Politics Chess. (Long story short, I had friends spinning at two clubs, and not everyone likes one of them.)"

Oooh, I've had that situation one too many times. And yeah, that makes sense to me too.

[xiane.livejournal.com]

You're free to quote me anytime you want! ♥

ps - your icon mesmerizes me. Rob and I kept talking about it yesterday :D

[bluelens.livejournal.com]

I dont quite understand the need to screen comments. If you don't embrace your opinion strong enough to be able to handle dissenters, and have it seen by others, then why make the statements.

I also cannot grasp those that will block anyone from posting a comment unless they are on the "friend's list". Why would you want to say something publicly and not allow the public to respond? Maybe I'm just not intelligent enough to understand.

[xiane.livejournal.com]

I started screening non-friends because I was promoting and often would get spammy-type comments. Now I keep that policy because it keeps the spam-bot posters off my journal, but I unscreen all comments from real people. It isn't to keep non-friends from commenting, but to keep my journal from being spamfodder.

I totally agree with your thoughts on screening. I am not embarrassed by any opinions I espouse, so why should I fear what others have to say? Stand by what you say, that's my policy.

[eure-maum.livejournal.com]

you go girl!

and i hope you keep me since i dont' think i've ever screened any of my post comments

[jukebox-heroine.livejournal.com]

I delete my posts all the time because I rail about something insignificant or I get all emo and then I am embarrassed. My El Jay is pretty light and fluff most of the time. I really don't want the entire world to know when I am sad. I have a very short fuse sometimes. Usually I'll delete them within a few minutes of them going up, so people don't have time to respond, or they really don't know what to say.

If people start acting like idiots in a comment thread though (and I don't think it's ever gotten out of hand in my journal, really), I leave it there. It's THEM that looks like an ass. Not me.

[silent-muse.livejournal.com]

I was in that phase for a long time too, though I think I'm done with it now.

I used to write things that were very scathing because that's the mood I was in, and then I'd quickly realize all the damage that would cause and delete it as soon as I could. Now I just think a lot more before I post.

I also had the problem with things I wrote getting horribly misconstrued to the point where a simple vent or rant that took about 5 seconds to write became an LJ flame war, and I just couldn't tolerate it.

However, lately I've gone back to just not caring. I tend not to post heavily volatile things anymore anyway, but I'll take dissenting opinions any day. And if some dumbo wants to use my little nothing post as a soapbox, let 'em. It'll be easier to target them when I'm launching my tomatoes. . .

[inefficiency.livejournal.com]

Non-sequitur: I feel like your icon is going to eat me.

[xiane.livejournal.com]

You're not going anywhere, silly. I know you're a true-blue friend who actually wants to hear what I have to say, as I do with you.

[xiane.livejournal.com]

'ware the hungry Andy Deane!

[xiane.livejournal.com]

*bingo!* It's the assitude that needs to stay and be paraded throughout the ages!

Heee.

Again, you're cool with me. You're not posting then deleting to be an ass. Everyone has their emo moments. Despite what some people claim ;)

[eure-maum.livejournal.com]

aww, that just puts a huge smile on my face. which is what i needed to hear since i'm feeling so insecure lately.

[eure-maum.livejournal.com]

ha ha ha....and to think, a random girl who was reading a friend's entry made it for me. :)

beware of the andy lol

[xiane.livejournal.com]

Usually when you're angry, you have VERY good reason to be. That being said, I'm with you on the not posting volatile posts much these days. This one's gotten some strong response so far, but this is a rarity for me.

That being said, I like tomatos! Fling some my way!

[xiane.livejournal.com]

You're lovely and sweet, Amy. You're one of the most caring people I know, and you've always been an amazing friend. insecurity sucks, especially when it's nested in such a great person.

passive aggressive bullshit is B.S.

[alannakitty.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure that I don't do that PA of screening and what not. I keep my journal friends only b/c I have learned the hard way that some things should just not be out for public consumption. I think I have used the "screen-comments" thing like 3 times in the time I've had my LJ. And usually, it is b/c I'm writing about something sensitive, I want people to feel free to express themselves without fear of someone else reading what they have to say and I want to be able to have a private conversation about the sensitive subject while communicating to my friends what is going on.

I hope you are doing well. Give husband, kitty and yourself hugs from me!

[eure-maum.livejournal.com]

:)

insecurity is coming from not being able to make friends here in fredericksburg and a full time job that makes you feel like a moron

[bluelens.livejournal.com]

I guess I have been lucky becuase I haven't gotten any spammy-type comments on my LJ.

I can see screening on promoting items (for pretty much the same reasons you listed in the original post).

It is a rare occasion (very rare) that I ever do a non-public post so I havent even tried all the fancy tools LJ has for comments and such. Of course most a lot of the time I'm posting pictures so that probably doesn't count.

As I type this I realize that recently I did a post where I did not allow comments. But, I think that post would probably be ok and fit within some of the safe zones that you were mentioning.

[silent-muse.livejournal.com]

I keep forgetting that tomatoes do not equal "Acidy Stomach Death" to everyone. Still, they're no fun in the eye.

Not that I know anything about that of course. . .

[xiane.livejournal.com]

Aw, man. I feel you. Other than Rob, I've got zero friends here. And no job.

Hang in there, people DO think you're awesome!

[eure-maum.livejournal.com]

Hmm...know anyone in Fredericksburg u can introduce me to? LOL. u are the queen of friends in my eyes.

Thanks. Sometimes I wonder if people think I'm awesome or someone they just tolerate. My success rate with friends is very low, as you can see by how many in real life friends I have. And I've only kept in touch really with one of my friends from college. All the others I dropped and one I kinda keep in contact with on here. It just doesn't help hearing from your brother and sister in law that I should go out and make friends instead of having all my friends online and dont' know in person. Gee, thanks for the confidence.

[xiane.livejournal.com]

I haven't told you lately, but your photo posts are always a highlight of my day.

I hardly ever use any of the fancier LJ tools. I post using Semagic, that's about as fancy as it gets. I haven't even been using the scrapbook function, because I find it annoying to use. Flickr is easier and quicker to upload to/from.

Funny thing... the people who comment and take long, hard thoughts about what I've said are almost always the ones who I find to be the farthest from what I'm complaining about. Everyone who's replied here make really good, interesting posts and are caring and thoughtful people.

Re: passive aggressive bullshit is B.S.

[xiane.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, you need to have a safe space.

You know pretty well who your friends are, though. And knowing your friends, I'm betting you know how most of us feel about most subjects. We wouldn't be your friends, otherwise. :)

I will pass along the hugs!