[a small light in the darkness]

First: I was remiss [and horribly so] in not mentioning that I went to the GYN appointment on Thursday. Was I nervous? Oh yes. But you see, as much as I might hate doctors and want to run away in fear of What Could Be, I also have an insatiable Need To Know. [That's *always* my undoing, much like a cat.]
So I managed to drag my ass out of bed on Thursday morning, after a MUCH too late and wonderful night at Cryptkicker, and then post-Cryptie at my beloved Paper Moon. I walked in when my Mom was getting ready for work, if that tells you anything. I knew I had the appointment at 12:45, but dammit! It was too much fun.
I managed to rise, shower, eat half a roll and drink some water before throwing on comfy clothes and rushing off. I made it there in plenty of time; I even managed to get some knitting in while I waited.
( doctor stuff, cut for those who don't need details. )
Other stuff of note:

• We've ordered the wedding rings. We should have them in 3 - 5 weeks. Yay!


• Hot Topic is having a sale this weekend on clearance stuff - 50% off of the already marked-down price. Obviously I took advantage of this and you should, too.


• I bought the silliest thing ever for the Zombie Night at Cryptkicker. It's fake blood, but it is cleverly called "Goth Blood." inefficiency thought that I should post a pic of it; I though that I should add a "Y" to it and make it "gothy" blood, for fiendmorte.

Okay. And now I must find the sleep.

Stupid, stupid doctors.

Nurses? Great. The office receptionists/aides were really helpful. But the Doctor? Well, it would be nice if in your bust, overpaid schedule you could bother to EXPLAIN all this stuff to me fully, Mr. Doctor-sir. And maybe tell me what you're *thinking* might be going on? Also, while we're at it, since I'm paying for the service, could you TELL me what my BP/heart rate is? I mean - it's mine. I'd like to know, instead of being "hmm-hmm'd" at and examined for all of 10 minutes.

All I'm asking for is to be TALKED to, you know? Especially with such a touchy area as this, though really, all patients deserve that sort of care and respect. And if the doctor's too busy, then there should be a mediator, a counselor to step us through and tell us not ONLY what the diagnosis means, but everything we need to do afterwards, including who to call for follow-ups and what to expect.

Let's just say that I was given three pieces of paper. One was for a complete blood work extravaganza; easy enough, you just come in on these certain days - don't eat beforehand - and that's that. Then there was a GYN referral, and a slip for a mammogram. Was it explained to me that *I* needed to find and call a radiologist and set up an appointment? NO! had repeatedly stated that I'd never had a mammogram and I didn't know what I was doing. No one made sure I knew that little piece of info. I thought the GYN would do it! Boy, did I look like an ass when I called.
So I called back the Doctor's office, and promptly burst into tears. I mean, I've done admirably well in holding it together, but for fuck's sake, cut the girl a break, would you? The office manager, Maria, was the kindest soul - she helped me calm down and explained everything and made sure I had two recommendations for radiologists in the area. She apologised profusely for my confusion and that I was allowed to leave there without having everything fully explained...
But I know it'll happen again.

This is EXACTLY why I hate doctors.

Oh, so the outcome? He fucking doesn't know.
"Yes, I can see what you're talking about."
OH REALLY. IT'S A FUCKING HARD SPOT.

Do you know, he was walking out of the room and I had to STOP him and MAKE him tell me what he might thing was going on. And he was STILL so vague that I ended up telling him that I knew there were some specific possibilities and WHAT DID HE THINK!
... yeah. Waffle waffle.
I understand that he doesn't want to say something and be wrong, but I shouldn't have to DRAG that out of him, either.

Fuckity fuckity fuck fuck. Yeah, I'm angry and scared and frustrated and really really sad, too. Other women go through worse. Much worse.

So yeah... I need to set up the appointment for those things tomorrow. I'll keep everyone informed. And das_uber, I haven't forgotten about the email thing. I know I need to send you one. I'm procrastinating. I'm sorry.