Trying something new. Want to play?

[xiane]

At Coyote [where I work, for those of you who somehow don't know], we get in all sorts of things for consignment sale. Recently, we got a huge bag of books, and I've been ransacking volumes to cure my hours of customer-less boredom while on the job.
Today I found a small volume that seems perfect for some diversion in my journal. It's called The Book Of Questions, by Gregory Stock, Ph.D. The basic premise of the book is that it asks situational questions of the reader, and your job is to truthfully assess your answers, and possibly start discussions with the questions amongst your friends. There are questions concerning integrity, sex, morals, and personal choices.
I thought bringing some of these questions to my journal for discussion or analyzing by my friends might be interesting. If it appeals to you, please feel free to *truthfully* respond. If you feel uncomfortable with your answers, maybe you might discuss privately in your journal...?
I like self-analyzing.

Some of the questions are dated - the book came out in the late 80's - and some of them won't have much impact on most of my friends. But some of them might give you food for thought. Maybe.

Today's question :

If your friends and aquaintances were willing to bluntly and honestly tell you what they really thought of you, would you want them to?

Add to that at will, for more discussion fodder -
Do you think your friends would agree with one other about the kind of person you are? How much energy do you spend doing things to favourably impress other people? If you were completely unconcerned about what others would think, what sorts of things might you do? How do you feel when you people like you because they think you are someone that you're not?

I'll answer my own questions in a reply.

Comments

[xiane.livejournal.com]

If your friends and aquaintances were willing to bluntly and honestly tell you what they really thought of you, would you want them to?

That's a really tough one, you know. Because as much as I want to fix some of the problems that I know I have [or might not know that I have], I know that a lot of things would be said that would hurt me terribly. I'm thinking that I might like input from some of my friends, but not all of them. Another thing I'd have to keep in mind - just because someone thinks something about you, that doesn't make it accurate.

Do you think your friends would agree with one other about the kind of person you are?
My real ones probably do. The people who don't know me so well, but *think* they do... I suspect that they have a very different idea of who I really am.

How much energy do you spend doing things to favourably impress other people?
Less than I used to. More than I should, although an unfortunate fact of the position I've put myself in, trying to start a business, requires me to strive to impress on a regular basis.

If you were completely unconcerned about what others would think, what sorts of things might you do?
Ha. I have no real way to answer this, because everyone cares what other people think, all the time. Even if they claim otherwise. I can speculate that I might dress even more outlandishly, and I might sing even more in public... and I might be more free with my thoughts. I'll need to consider this one a bit more in depth.

How do you feel when you people like you because they think you are someone that you're not?
I get this all the time, I think. I find it embarrassing. I feel responsible for maintaining their illusions, and that's dumb.

[mimiakemi.livejournal.com]

I'd want to know. I'm pretty blunt about what I think about people and sometimes they're blunt back. I think they'd agree about certain things about me. The thing is, better friends know more about your motivations and what you're like away from your public face, so they have a different outlook from a casual friend's.

I sometimes wish I were more concerned with what other people thought. Because maybe then I'd be able to relate to them. I'm more concerned with people being put off by how I act when I'm uncomfortable, which doesn't feel like who I really am, than people liking me for someone I'm not. It's the whole, coming up with ways to deal with social situations and overcoming shyness. Somewhere along the way I started making people uncomfortable if I was uncomfortable (and I was uncomfortable a lot). And I wish I could stop doing that.

[xiane.livejournal.com]

I guess at least that way everyone's uncomfortable, so you're not so alone in it?
I can relate to the shyness SO much. I bluster my way over it, but in my heart of hearts I suspect everyone knows I'm shy.

[mimiakemi.livejournal.com]

I used to be one of those kids always hiding behind their mother's legs.

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

If your friends and acquaintances were willing to bluntly and honestly tell you what they really thought of you, would you want them to?
Certainly not all of them at once. That would be too much difficult information to process. I suspect there would be many mistaken impressions from those who aren't close to me, because I know I'm not an open book and it generally takes awhile for people to really know me. So, I'd rather not have a bunch of mistaken impressions to sort through, although perhaps there could be something to learn from them (either about myself or about the people forming those opinions). So, I'd be willing to hear from a limited number of folks. I'd be interested if there are any negative thoughts that I don't already have about myself. Of course, the only reason this question is a tough one is because it implies that we'll receive a deluge of painful thoughts. But there will absolutely be positive ones, too. Maybe they will balance out the difficult news. Maybe there will be more positive than negative.

Do you think your friends would agree with one other about the kind of person you are?
Probably, those that know me well enough.

How much energy do you spend doing things to favorably impress other people?
Not much at all. I find I spend most of my energy trying to favorably impress myself.

If you were completely unconcerned about what others would think, what sorts of things might you do?
I'm not sure that I would change much. Perhaps be less inhibited. I'd be more of myself in public situations than usual...myself being a side that really doesn't come out except with the closest of friends. More spoken words. Even faster and more frequent wit. More physical expression. Maybe I wouldn't have to work through the shyness as much.

How do you feel when people like you because they think you are someone that you're not?
I don't think I've ever experienced this. It's more likely that people will dislike me or just be generally confused by me because they think I'm someone I'm not. And that's usually the fault of early impressions. As I mentioned already, it can take awhile for people to really get to know me.

[megdalyn.livejournal.com]

If your friends and acquaintances were willing to bluntly and honestly tell you what they really thought of you, would you want them to?
yes, i think i do.

Do you think your friends would agree with one other about the kind of person you are?
i think it would be a lot like how i truly feel about some of my own friends

How much energy do you spend doing things to favorably impress other people?
1% of my weekly time, maybe

If you were completely unconcerned about what others would think, what sorts of things might you do?
i'd be a lot more blunt than i am

How do you feel when people like you because they think you are someone that you're not?
isn't that what happens online daily?

[ex-carnaval-619.livejournal.com]

First off I know this book well, because my older brother owned it and on more than one occasion when I was younger I flipped through it...

If your friends and aquaintances were willing to bluntly and honestly tell you what they really thought of you, would you want them to?</>
Only my friends. Aquaintances(casual friends) I don't think know me well enough to know why I am a certain way and what goes on in my head. Friends, though they might not know "everything", know enough to make a clear judgement about me. I'm *very* sensitive but would trust my friends not to be brutal, just honest. I can shed a tear very easily. Sometimes even people that I consider friends, I think get a very different version of me based on the amount of time they spend with me. Some days are better than others, and some people have seen me on some very bad days (and nights).

Do you think your friends would agree with one other about the kind of person you are?
Depends on how close of a friend we're talking about but more or less I think they'd agree.

How much energy do you spend doing things to favourably impress other people?
I don't exert much, for the most part, I'm just me, take it or leave it. In certain situations of course, I do exert more, ie work, with those overhead of me.

If you were completely unconcerned about what others would think, what sorts of things might you do?
Well, I already do them. I'm comfortable in my own skin, at times I falter. I will leave the house with my hair in a mess and leftover makeup from the night before on. Pretty much I don't care what other people think, especially in those situations. However, I will state that if nothing else, I'd have all of my piercings back and then some (and if Jay didn't hate black on me so much, I'd dye my hair black with streaks of green, turquoise and purple ;)).

How do you feel when people like you because they think you are someone that you're not?
Honestly, I don't think anyone thinks I'm something/someone that I'm not. Maybe a few people think I'm more than what I am? If so I don't know how they got the wrong impression.

[ex-carnaval-619.livejournal.com]

too bad I can't remember to use the i in the /i command

[risabe.livejournal.com]

I'll be but brief in my answer:

No. I am too insecure for that! = /

[strangers-ghost.livejournal.com]

i think this is a really cool idea.

yeah, i always want people to be completely blunt and honest with me, even when its not necessarily information that i need. i dont know if thats because im insecure and base my opinion of myself on what others think or not...

[ex-payback.livejournal.com]

If your friends and aquaintances were willing to bluntly and honestly tell you what they really thought of you, would you want them to?

Sure, why not. It would definately be enlightening, and probably funny.

Add to that at will, for more discussion fodder -
Do you think your friends would agree with one other about the kind of person you are?

So what this question is really asking, is if you're a different person to different people. I don't think I am, aside from me at work and non-working me, which are pretty different because they have to be.

How much energy do you spend doing things to favourably impress other people?

Almost none.

If you were completely unconcerned about what others would think, what sorts of things might you do?

Cheat at cards, murder, make fun of retards, join the military? Who can say, the possibilities are endless.


How do you feel when you people like you because they think you are someone that you're not?

It's either really funny, or kind of disturbing. Did they get that impression because they're wrong/stupid, or was it something I've done, and what's going to happen when they figure out what I'm really like?

[praetorgredior.livejournal.com]

Better to know the truth, than keep people around me who are too weak to admit their views.

I say, if you like me and what i do, excellent. If you don't, that's fine too. Just grow the gonads to says something about it. I don't bite. Most of the time.

[brokenme85.livejournal.com]

If your friends and aquaintances were willing to bluntly and honestly tell you what they really thought of you, would you want them to?

they already do. :P sometimes its as simple as my laugh annoys them (lil Kevin) or they dont like hugs (people). somtimes its more in depth. i'm usually pretty open about how i am (well, what i know of myself, thus far, that is). if people have a problem with things that are as inconsequential as my laugh, then owell. if they point out something that it would be good for me (as a person) to work on, then i thank them. its good to know what others think of me, just so i know. its also good to always look for ways to better myself, so this is a way to see some of the things. depending on how well the person knows me, i may or may not dismiss their opinion. people who know me pretty well, or have at least observed me for a long time, i am more open to considering what they have to say about me.

Do you think your friends would agree with one other about the kind of person you are?
the closer friends, i think have a better grasp of who i am and what i'm about. people who dont know what goes on in my head and heart tend to only know me as "that crazy girl in black who's obsessed with hugs".

How much energy do you spend doing things to favourably impress other people?
well, i dont really know. i try to help people if i can... but thats more trying to be a good person/friend. i'm not too big on changing myself for other people's likings. basically, i'm a people-person. if you like me, thats cool; if not, fuck off till you're more open-minded.

If you were completely unconcerned about what others would think, what sorts of things might you do?
probably be nude everywhere, not just in friends/my own dwellings. i'd sing louder. i'd share my poetry and songs. i'd tell people when they look like a dufus, etc... stupid things, really.

How do you feel when you people like you because they think you are someone that you're not?
fake. its not fun.

[brokenme85.livejournal.com]

(add-on to last response)
i also feel kinda hurt becuase i dont know if they would like me for ME. insecure, i guess...

[mmymoon.livejournal.com]

I generally think those books are stupid. The questions all seem very forced and trite; it seems to me a few moments of introspection could come up with better analysis, and therefore better questions. Especially the ones about sex, for they're inevitably getting at the racy aspects instead of self-discovery -- like a glorified adult version of "Truth or Dare."

That said, it's not exactly like any of us are doing better on the interesting discussion/analysis front...

Merf. I pretend like everyone DOES tell me what they think of me; I'm not particularly fond of two-facedness. (I realize situations call for it, and white lies are a bastion of civilized society. Yet anyone I deem an actual friend ought not to take part in such.) There are certainly worse sins, like whining...

I digress. I (obviously) behave without considering how people think of me... mostly. There are different rules for different social situations, though! I think questions like this are fairly idiotic because, honestly, anyone past the age of 16 ought to know how to conduct himself according to the situation. Around your friends, you ought to tritely "be yourself"...

But which friends? Which groups? I'm not going to ramble on about dolls around my gun-enthusiast friends, and vice versa. I might make my positions known, but I don't want to bore my poor friends to tears discussing it. I might prattle on about Spider-man when I'm at Atlas, but start babbling in Japanese when I'm shopping at the Sanrio store.

And further than that, one behaves very differently when one is around elders/people in positions of power -- or impressionablity. Hopefully, you're not going to visit your grandma wearing a shirt that says "Pussy," and you're not going to babysit in that shirt, either. (I know a lot of teenagers have difficulty with this concept. It's called "not offending others with your presence.")

If one completely ignored what people thought, wouldn't we all be pissing in the streets and not wearing clothes? Bwah.

Seriously, I think it's a fairly unimaginative question. That might simply be due to my fairly strong position on the self, though; who knows? My ex-girlfriend might have had reams of introspection about how she can't express herself... but I give it a thumbs down. It reads like an Self-Analysis Mad Lib. :P

[mmymoon.livejournal.com]

Furthermore, because of different friend/social groups, I don't think many people know "what kind of person you really are." Perhaps a few close friends, who get to see various facets and aspects of your personality, but still -- even Cory has rarely seen the person I used to be when I was, say, moderating groups of teen girls. (That is, a snarky bitch. ;9)

I doubt most people know who they are, or all of who they are, frankly.

[redzshadow.livejournal.com]

If your friends and acquaintances were willing to bluntly and honestly tell you what they really thought of you, would you want them to?


I don’t want to hear what acquaintances have to say but friends in moderation is fine. I think that if they were true friends they wouldn’t have that many bad things to say in the first place.

Do you think your friends would agree with one other about the kind of person you are?

No. I am the same person but they are all different types of people and their interpretation of me is going to be different. That is why some people really understand me and others don’t care about me.

How much energy do you spend doing things to favorably impress other people?

I don’t exert too much energy. If I am going out to a good club I might spend more time on myself. After and encounter with people I always wonder if I offended them in something I said. I tend to say things and people tend to take them the wrong way.

If you were completely unconcerned about what others would think, what sorts of things might you do?

I would say what I really want to say. But I am not one to run around messing up peoples days. I think the way we treat each other is very important. Perhaps my being unconcerned with others would allow me to be an asshole when I want to be.

How do you feel when people like you because they think you are someone that you're not?

It pisses me off. I don’t like when people make assumptions about who I am. They don’t have that right and perhaps they should really get to know me. I’m not saying that they can’t like me…that is okay. But if they don’t like me for the real reasons then I don’t have much respect. I guess I could try to make them understand…but that gets real old real fast.

[seeliespright.livejournal.com]

I would enjoy blunt honesty from my true friends. However, there are some people who might claim to know about me and who don't. I don't want to hear shit from them.

One thing that your questions bring up is a thing that has troubled me on and off. I worry sometimes that I seem and act like a different person when I am with various people. For some time, I thought I was being hypocrical and hated myself for it.

But, I've come to accept: since I have so many interests and aspects of my personality, I behave differently and participate in activities, which may seem mutually exclusive.

It's difficult sometimes however because I can't feel like people fully understand me. For instance, when I'm doing drama with people, I wouldn't talk about how much I love the Dawning or writing. Those are minor things but there is also a deeper personal thing. I never really feel that anyone fully understands me. It's not their fault, it's just that I have so many aspects of me that, in my opinion, only I could begin to understand. (And even then I often go, "WTF, David!? what's wrong with you?!")

I dunno. With you and the other Dawning people that i'm close to, I show me and am completely open about all aspects of me (as they come up b/c I don't exactly go, "HI HI, LOOK AT ME!"). And I feel that of anyone, Katrina understands me best, because we spend so much time together and I tell her everything.

But then again, I'm becoming more and more open with you and Jos, and others, since my happy medicine has lifted me out of depression (and consequently, extreme introversion). Plus, with you, I see a fellow introvert and i'm like, "OOO She's like me! Hey, that's handy!"

:D *hugs*