.: update :.

I'm a little more relaxed now. Good for me.

You really needed to know that. Uh-huh.

(no subject)

Reaching the maximum stress point today. Bad news. Between the craziness at The Soup and the wackiness in my head and the plain rudeness I had to endure from someone who is supposed to care about me... well, no wonder I'm so confused. I just want a day or two to rest from all of it, to spend with the people I choose to be with, doing what I want to do instead of someone else, and not taking care of anyone but myself. In fact, I want people for that whole break to take care of me. Dammit. I am so fucking tired of being the one who picks up the pieces for everyone else, and I know it is no one's fault but my own, but that doesn't mean that everyone has to play along with the arrangement. Yes, I sound like I have martyr complex. I probably do. It is my own fault, I confess. And therein lies the problem. How does one change that? How can I change my hardwiring to care less, or relax more, or whatever it is that I need to do to save myself?

[maybe I said too much/perhaps I've laid myself bare/I'm afraid of what this will bring me/I long for something to change | I don't know how to stop this/I wear my heart on my sleeve/everything keeps getting muddled/and I'm lost in the wake of events]

(no subject)

It is morning. I'm awake. What more does the world want from me?

Bleh. I want to go back to sleep for another hour. The dreams were... pleasant.

I don't mean to upset people.

Really. I'm okay. I'm just down. I'll pop back up soon enough, I promise.

I feel like I'll be doing okay, and then something - usually involving talking to someone specific, which leves me feeling down for no good reason at the end of it - will push me into a bad mood. That needs to stop... I don't like the feeling of being that way. It isn't me.

On the up side, got the CD burner working, and made a new CD in time for Subculture Shock. That made me happy, even if I didn't burn the stuff I REALLY want to add to the playlist yet. I will, though.

*yawning* No reason to be sleepy, I got like 11 hours of sleep last night. This weekend's been odd - no responsibility, no Dawning, just the radio show. It's been weird. I think I like it but I also miss the club. Silly Xiane.