(no subject)

[xiane]

Reaching the maximum stress point today. Bad news. Between the craziness at The Soup and the wackiness in my head and the plain rudeness I had to endure from someone who is supposed to care about me... well, no wonder I'm so confused. I just want a day or two to rest from all of it, to spend with the people I choose to be with, doing what I want to do instead of someone else, and not taking care of anyone but myself. In fact, I want people for that whole break to take care of me. Dammit. I am so fucking tired of being the one who picks up the pieces for everyone else, and I know it is no one's fault but my own, but that doesn't mean that everyone has to play along with the arrangement. Yes, I sound like I have martyr complex. I probably do. It is my own fault, I confess. And therein lies the problem. How does one change that? How can I change my hardwiring to care less, or relax more, or whatever it is that I need to do to save myself?

[maybe I said too much/perhaps I've laid myself bare/I'm afraid of what this will bring me/I long for something to change | I don't know how to stop this/I wear my heart on my sleeve/everything keeps getting muddled/and I'm lost in the wake of events]