(no subject)

[xiane]

Have I mentioned here how much I *love* my new CD burner? Oh yeah. Eternal thanks to AudioRapture for the cheap, wonderful buy. I've already increased my dj-ability by a huge amount. Rock on, me.
D/led a ton of Severed Heads tracks tonight. I'm stuck in a groove or something.



Today was rather frustrating. I felt like either no one was listening, or I was being treated shabbily all day. I'm sure a lot of it is just in my head, born of needing a vacation desperately and being on the verge of a breakdown - but I know that at least a part of it was justified feelings. I'm tired of people taking their crabby moods out on me. I try really hard [I know I'm not always successful, but I try] not to do that, especially to those I care about. All I ever ask for, it seems, is to be treated by my friends and those I care for the same way I treat them. And here's the funny part - I keep asking because IT'S NOT HAPPENING. Bleh.


Had a long long talk with Liam last night about some of the crap that's been frustrating me, especially how I feel around the group. I told him that the reason people think I'm so nice is that I never bother to tell them what I really think anymore - they aren't listening anyway. So as far as they can see me, they see this "sweet" person who never contradicts their preconceptions about anything. Not to say that I'm NOT a nice person - in fact I probably care too much about people, especially some who dont deserve it - but that they just see what they want to see in me. Most of the people around me don't really know me at all, and have no idea that this is the case. I think there's maybe five people who I can say actually give more than a second's thought to me and what I'm really about. Everyone else is firmly on the aquaintence list. There are one or two more who would probably actually be on the shortlist of people who care, if I knew them better. I'm always surprised at how few people actually really listen to me. I'm always thrilled when I find someone who does.
Do I sound a little jaded? For me, definitely. But I tell you what... I'm tired of being hurt by people that don't really care that I am so very there for them, so consequently don't reciprocate. That's not their fault, really - it is mine... but to remedy the situation, don't be too shocked when I'm quieter and more subdued than usual.

Comments

have i told you lately...

[krasota.livejournal.com]

that you're eminently slurpable?

*SLURP*

[xiane.livejournal.com]

Out of all the people I know, I feel most embarrassed when complaining when I consider you. You are one of the bravest, most honest, and most loving people I know.
You need to move here soon, and I know that things have been conspiring against you and Boy... but - you do. *many slurps*

hey now.

[krasota.livejournal.com]

ever notice how my journal is mostly vent vent rage bitch vent? that's how i deal with life's petty little curveballs. and that's how you deal with life, too. you shouldn't be embarassed.

we're at two very different spots in life... and that doesn't matter. we both have every right to kvetch. it keeps us a little more sane when we're in public. ;)


but soon we'll be together and the skies will be a rosy blue again.

o_O

and i'll be off these damn drugs, i hope. ;)

as soon as i can drive, i'm coming to look at potential abodes. i keep promising, but my damn chest keeps holding me back. and, for once, it's not the boobs of doom! ;)

oh goodness, so sorry

[(Anonymous)]

Will try not to vent so much when I come in. I think that you should take some of the advice you give to others; wait, be patient. It's okay to hurt, it's natural. However, if you dive through it, instead of fighting to get out of it, there is a hole in the bottom of the bucket so you can get out. uh,oh, just gave myself advice too.

Re: oh goodness, so sorry

[xiane.livejournal.com]

Don't be sorry. And don't hold back on venting, if that's what you need to do... mostly, I'm just noticing that a lot of people around me tend to take me for granted or something... and instead of just meekly taking it, I'm cutting myself off from it a bit. I don't know who you are, but it probably isn't you, since you're bothering to actually read what I'm saying. [and thank you for that, whoever you are]