all we ever wanted was everything

[xiane]

Yes, yes, fucking gothic subject line. O_o

I'm at the station. I'm having one of those moments. You know, the ones that leave you feeling vaguely dissatisfied and annoyed? No reason really for it, either. Last night at The Dawning went really well; the bands rocked out and the place was packed to capacity. The DJs [Digital Menace and Vortex, from VA Beach] managed to get the crowd moving despite the rediculously crowded floor of milling folks who really had no place else to go. Everyone walked away seemingly happy... so it shouldn't be that.
Today I had to drag my sorry ass out of bed and go to work at Coyote, but it was only for four hours and it wasn't so bad. nothingoth and endangeredhuman came to Cville and visited, and we went to the new sushi buffet, which was pleasant and fun... so that's not it. And payback called me and made me laugh a lot, which was severely needed. I'm left with no answers there.

I think long-term exposure to humans wears me down after a while. The competition, the undercurrent of negativity, the need to sidestep egos... the passive-agressive interactions start to fray my nerves. I think that's why I prefer possibly rude and blunt people sometimes - they break my golden rule of trying to be as conscious as possible of others' feelings, but at least they're upfront about how they feel about things. Being polite doesn't mean being nice to someone's face, then talking shit behind their back. Being kind doesn't mean "sparing someone's feelings" then assassinating their character when they aren't around to defend themselves. And being angry or frustrated with someone, but holding back discussing your feelings with them in an adultlike fashion, does that person and yourself an injustice.

I'm not free of guilt, of course. I'm going to make an effort to follow my own recommendations. I can't tell anyone else how to behave. This is just what I've been noticing lately. I think this is what's got me down.

Blah. SubShock will make me feel better.

*disclaimer - I'm not saying any of this has happened to me lately, before you ask. I've just noticed it in the air, so to speak. And if you're thinking this is about you, it probably isn't. You've already disqualified yourself by taking the time to think that ;)

Comments

[mmymoon.livejournal.com]

Noooo -- tell me how to behave! Tell me how to behave! *cries*

I've been feeling weird all day, too, but I think I know the reason. ~_~;

Being a human is difficult.

*squishes* SubShock will be magical! Waaai, I won't fall asleep this week. ^-^

[mmymoon.livejournal.com]

As soon as I turned on the radio, Spooky ran over like his little spazzy self, and curled up directly in front of it, with his ears sticking up. Seriously. He's still sitting there, with his little ears perked and eyes half-closed.

Hee! He looks so blissful during your announcements.

[xiane.livejournal.com]

Your cat is obsessed. And cute as can be.

And yay! You won a Das Ich cd! You AND Spooky. *_*

[xiane.livejournal.com]

That was my secret objective. I move on to the next assignment.

Muahaha.

*completely amused*

[krasota.livejournal.com]

*slurp*

[melodiousdrone.livejournal.com]

And being angry or frustrated with someone, but holding back discussing your feelings with them in an adultlike fashion, does that person and yourself an injustice.


Are you the voice my subconcious??? I just got home from telling a jerk why he's a jerk and my feelings on a lot of things that he has done recently. I almost walked out before talking to him, but that's pretty much what the voice in the back of my head said....so so wierd. *huggles*
By the way, you are beautiful and wonderful and I want to get together and talk to you sometime in the future because I've chosen my thesis topic. I'm going to either do communication within the Goth subculture, or Goth subculture in relation to Mass Media. Groovy huh???

[xiane.livejournal.com]

Rock on. I'd love to talk to you, hang out, do something fun, dissect the goth culture [isn't that inherently gothic?], or something else equally nifty. Yay!

If I'm channeling, it is sheer coincidence; perhaps we're both getting outsider influence? :)