Birthdays, tonight, and anxiety.

[xiane]

Firstly: My birthday was just about perfect. Thank you to the wonderful people who cared enough to make me feel special - symvomitpuddle, onceupon, krasota, Lori... Nessa, Marika, Randy, Summer, Tank, Liam, Jess, Drea... and of course, Stu, who worked so hard on my present. [the most gorgeous pearl-handled straight razor you've ever seen. I have a long history w/ them, but this one's the prettiest I've ever had!] I'm sure I'm leaving someone or another out in my dim-wittedness... I apologise. You guys are the best.

Secondary: Tonight my band, The Violet Dawning is playing at The Dawning. I'm unsure how to feel. Part of me is excited, and another part is anxious. Hopefully, as they say, all will go well. I'm pretty sure of us, at least. We usually put on a decent show.

Anxiety: I need to learn how to curb it. It puts a terrible damper on my ability to have fun.

Off to the club; talk to everyone soon.

Comments

anxiety

[zetareticula.livejournal.com]

i was having really bad anxiety attacks for about 4months, i would throw up violently everytime i had to leave the house, couldn't go to classes, all that jazz....
i'm currently on buspar, which seems to be werking and doesn't have too many bad side effects, you may want to look into getting on meds if you can't have fun....
just stay away from paxil, it made me really really sick.

-=zeta=-

Re: anxiety

[xiane.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the advice! I am by nature the sort to avoid meds - I take nothing for depression, for example, preferring to struggle through on my own... too many people I know have been changed into strangers when they've started taking meds. Having an informed opinion helps me with potential future decisions, if need be.
My anxiety is very manic, usually associated with a need to control issues around me such as a need to be early to all events, or the crushing desire to have every detail taken care of - and a horrible edgy sort of anger mixed with sadness if I can't keep things perfectly in order. I don't get scared so much as I get unbearably nervous. Yuck.
Usually I just fight it down, but I hate the way I feel during the episode, and I'm sure I'm unbearable to live with at the time.

Yeah. Yuck.

Re: anxiety

[zetareticula.livejournal.com]

yeah, i felt the same way about the drug issue, but i realizedthat i couldn't get things done that i needed to, it was totally fucking with my life, i was failing sum courses and wotnotbecause i couldn't get there...
if you know how to deal with it, that's great, i wish i could without meds.but it's so sever with the vomiting and stuff...

Re: anxiety

[xiane.livejournal.com]

Is it that you feel so tight, or wound up, that you have to vomit? I almost feel that way some times, but unless i'm really upset, I mostly get just a nasty feeling in my stomach. I used to get so sick back when I was in high school [before thay'd give you meds for things like this so easily] that I would think I was going to die. Of course my mom thought I was making it up to get out of stuff.
Funny thing is, I put myself all the time in situations that induce anxiety [performing, the radio show, running a club night]. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment?

I dunno... with this problem, I might indeed need meds eventually. No one needs to live their life wound up like a spring all the time.