will there always be someone to guide us

[xiane]

I hold my cards close to my chest for you.
I don’t dare let slip how close I am to breaking, just how much this loneliness is eroding me away… my pain just adds to your own, and I’d feel even worse adding to your stress.
But still… it is here. And the silences wear on me, and waking to an empty bed, and reaching out to find no one there.

And I have so much anger, too. Not at you, but because of the helplessness I have… because of my uncontrolled, miserable situation. Waking up sucks. Sleeping sucks. I can’t make myself stay busy, and sitting here doing nothing is eating me up. I’m in limbo.

And the worst of it is that no matter how much I try to change that, or forget where I am, or attempt to keep my head up… it’s all bullshit. I’m stuck, and it’s out of my hands, and I am tired and angry and so very sad.

Fuck.

Mirrored from ...a small light in the darkness..