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29 October 2001 22:47![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xianeI think my brain is broken.
Why am I so hard on myself? Why aren't *more* people tougher on themselves? Today's society is a passive one. Almost everyone is lazy. Standards are low, especially the ones that the average person holds him or herself to. Excellence is no longer a valued commodity, at least not personal excellence. It is much easier to complain about things outside the self than to focus energy on improving the home ground.
This has been a theme for my thoughts over the past week or so, spurred to the forefront again today by comments/reflection that symvomitpuddle made recently [particularly about himself, but on other topics as well]. He made mention of wanting to basically run far far away and start over, but that he knew that the problem was that he would be the same person. At least he realizes that - and as they say, knowing is half the battle or some horseshit. What the hell. I guess my problem [my battle, yes?] is having the habit of holding those around me to my standards, be they higher or lower or piece of shit values. That just frustrates me, and sets everyone up for a fall. I can't decide if this is something I'm going to have to live with or not, but my gut instinct says that I'm letting everyone off too easily if I lower the bar for them. Of course, by upholding my standards, I could just be egotistical, or cynical, or just a fucking bitch who is unaware of her blaring shortcomings. Too fucking confusing for my poor broken brain right now. I need to sleep.
Why am I so hard on myself? Why aren't *more* people tougher on themselves? Today's society is a passive one. Almost everyone is lazy. Standards are low, especially the ones that the average person holds him or herself to. Excellence is no longer a valued commodity, at least not personal excellence. It is much easier to complain about things outside the self than to focus energy on improving the home ground.
This has been a theme for my thoughts over the past week or so, spurred to the forefront again today by comments/reflection that symvomitpuddle made recently [particularly about himself, but on other topics as well]. He made mention of wanting to basically run far far away and start over, but that he knew that the problem was that he would be the same person. At least he realizes that - and as they say, knowing is half the battle or some horseshit. What the hell. I guess my problem [my battle, yes?] is having the habit of holding those around me to my standards, be they higher or lower or piece of shit values. That just frustrates me, and sets everyone up for a fall. I can't decide if this is something I'm going to have to live with or not, but my gut instinct says that I'm letting everyone off too easily if I lower the bar for them. Of course, by upholding my standards, I could just be egotistical, or cynical, or just a fucking bitch who is unaware of her blaring shortcomings. Too fucking confusing for my poor broken brain right now. I need to sleep.
