blah blah blah
12 February 2002 01:24![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xianeThe other goobers in the room with me are watching The Replacement Killers, and although it is an excellent action-type film, I'm not in the mood.
I just got finished cleaning up the fucking room, which I got roped into by my pathetic propensity to feel bad for people I care about when they're wigging out... in other words, I'm a sucker and started doing it to be nice [it DID need to be cleaned, but that's another story], and was left to finish the job myself while movies were put on for the catalyst's viewing pleasure. No, I hadn't worked all day. No, I wasn't tired at all. Really.
Okay, that's out of the way.
Fuck. What a long day. I really need to get out and blow some steam - amazingly enough, I maintained a pretty decent mood all day, and I'm still in a good mental state, although annoyed slightly by recent events previously mentioned. I'll get over than quickly enough, though... thus the rant to facilitate purging. I suspect that sleeping all damn day yesterday helped quite a bit with my mood. 12+ hours of sleep can do that for a girl. Seeing as I almost never get more than 6 hours a night, often less, that was quite the treat. Not that I mean to sleep that little; I just get wound up and creative around midnight and then I can't wind down. It's wacky. I did stay up until 3 am or so last night, but that's not so bad considering I didn't leave my bed until 7:30 pm.
I managed to keep to myself for most of the day, letting everyone else talk, which seems to be the safest course for Xiane these days. Only a few people get to hear me ramble on anymore. Feel honoured or something if I talk in front of you. I am Xiane on Reserve these days. I am Xiane in the Third Person these days too, it seems. Shaddup.
I find myself torn in two these days - a very outgoing person, who needs people very much... against someone who is very angry, wary and mistrusting of many of those around her. I'm too trusting and caring, and it makes me angry as hell when people don't appreciate that in me and take advantage of it. I used to be the sort of person who let people do whatever; I was terribly passive and let things flow around me. I tried to not let things bother me. I still do that, but I'm finding it hard to justify not saying anything these days. Fuck that; fuck people not caring about what I think. Fuck people pretending to care about me when they really just don't give a fuck. How many times can I say fuck in this entry? As much as I fucking can! Woo. Watch me diffuse my anger with bad jokes. I'm good at that.
Okay, this entry is self-serving, even for a journal entry. Sue me, it IS my journal, but I'll stop venting and get on with your regularly scheduled programming. Like I know how to make a "normal" journal entry, anyway. I could prattle on about boringly mundane issues, or I could post results of some dumb online test. Riiiiight.
Or I could go to sleep. That's got at least a slim chance of happening, yes.
Okay, that's out of the way.
Fuck. What a long day. I really need to get out and blow some steam - amazingly enough, I maintained a pretty decent mood all day, and I'm still in a good mental state, although annoyed slightly by recent events previously mentioned. I'll get over than quickly enough, though... thus the rant to facilitate purging. I suspect that sleeping all damn day yesterday helped quite a bit with my mood. 12+ hours of sleep can do that for a girl. Seeing as I almost never get more than 6 hours a night, often less, that was quite the treat. Not that I mean to sleep that little; I just get wound up and creative around midnight and then I can't wind down. It's wacky. I did stay up until 3 am or so last night, but that's not so bad considering I didn't leave my bed until 7:30 pm.
I managed to keep to myself for most of the day, letting everyone else talk, which seems to be the safest course for Xiane these days. Only a few people get to hear me ramble on anymore. Feel honoured or something if I talk in front of you. I am Xiane on Reserve these days. I am Xiane in the Third Person these days too, it seems. Shaddup.
I find myself torn in two these days - a very outgoing person, who needs people very much... against someone who is very angry, wary and mistrusting of many of those around her. I'm too trusting and caring, and it makes me angry as hell when people don't appreciate that in me and take advantage of it. I used to be the sort of person who let people do whatever; I was terribly passive and let things flow around me. I tried to not let things bother me. I still do that, but I'm finding it hard to justify not saying anything these days. Fuck that; fuck people not caring about what I think. Fuck people pretending to care about me when they really just don't give a fuck. How many times can I say fuck in this entry? As much as I fucking can! Woo. Watch me diffuse my anger with bad jokes. I'm good at that.
Okay, this entry is self-serving, even for a journal entry. Sue me, it IS my journal, but I'll stop venting and get on with your regularly scheduled programming. Like I know how to make a "normal" journal entry, anyway. I could prattle on about boringly mundane issues, or I could post results of some dumb online test. Riiiiight.
Or I could go to sleep. That's got at least a slim chance of happening, yes.
