![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xiane* please bear in mind that my wireless keyboard went FUBAR today - prompting a nasty email to the makers, Micro Innovations, but that's anothr story - so there might be missing "r" and "e" charachters. Possibly others. Apologies beforehand if I miss some.
This is my first Christmas - Xmoose to me - back at home with my Mom in 15 years, maybe more.
This is the first holiday season without my Dad.
Christmas is a HUGE deal to my Mom. She plots bfore Thanksgiving about just when the decorations will go up, and then as soon after Turkey Day as we can, everything gets decked. She buys ridiculous amounts of gifts, not because she thinks she has to, but because she genuinely loves doing it. She spends an afternoon slaving her ass off to make millions of delicious, paper-thin sugar cookies, lovingly decorated too, then distributes them to her favourite waiters and bartenders, the cleaning people at her job and her co-workers, and anyone else she thinks should have 'em. She fills out cards, she makes sure everyone she knows has something in their hands to make them feel loved.
And this year, she's without her partner of almost 30 years. She's held up admirably well, considering... and my Aunt Mary [her sister] and I have worked had to make sure that she's not too alone, without suffocating her if we can help it.
With the tragedy that we're still trying to adjust to, plus the added weirdness of having me back here [even though she wants me here, it's definitely weird sometimes!] , one might think that Xmoose would be on the suck side. No, that's just not the case. We actually had a *real* holiday - at last in my eyes.
I used to try and bush off the "big deal" of Xmoose. My family was a state away and I wasn't being close with them. I was pretty poor, and after a while it just got to be a drag to be the only one who cared about it. I love the way it makes me fel when it's done with an honest heart, when gifts are given with somthing other than a sense of obligation, or eforts are made to crate a glowing day. I still can see miracles - I'm still a child in that way. I know that's a rather unpopular viewpoint, and I don't care... other than to wish I had the power to shake the jadedness of some. Tho I respect anyone's right to be jaded. I'd just love to share that feeling that creeps into my heart during this time of year.
But I digess, and it's impotant to say that I think my Mom's holidays were fairly sparkling, all things considered. There were well-thought-out gifts, surprises, family, good food, companionship, and a strong feling of love.
I think that is more than I had expected, and I count the day as a success.
Yes, I hate the commercialism. I detest some of the ubiquitous holiday cliches that turn so many people off to the season. But as with anything... the Holidays are what you make of them. I am blessed with a reunion with my family - no matter how terrible the factors that bought us back together, this is a good thing ultimately - great friends, a super relationship, many opportunities before me, and a hopeful heart. These are things worth celebrating. In three days I will be 38. That's worth celebrating. We ae all still alive, and that is absolutely worth celebrating.
Love and happiness to you all on this day, and the rest of your lives.
This is my first Christmas - Xmoose to me - back at home with my Mom in 15 years, maybe more.
This is the first holiday season without my Dad.
Christmas is a HUGE deal to my Mom. She plots bfore Thanksgiving about just when the decorations will go up, and then as soon after Turkey Day as we can, everything gets decked. She buys ridiculous amounts of gifts, not because she thinks she has to, but because she genuinely loves doing it. She spends an afternoon slaving her ass off to make millions of delicious, paper-thin sugar cookies, lovingly decorated too, then distributes them to her favourite waiters and bartenders, the cleaning people at her job and her co-workers, and anyone else she thinks should have 'em. She fills out cards, she makes sure everyone she knows has something in their hands to make them feel loved.
And this year, she's without her partner of almost 30 years. She's held up admirably well, considering... and my Aunt Mary [her sister] and I have worked had to make sure that she's not too alone, without suffocating her if we can help it.
With the tragedy that we're still trying to adjust to, plus the added weirdness of having me back here [even though she wants me here, it's definitely weird sometimes!] , one might think that Xmoose would be on the suck side. No, that's just not the case. We actually had a *real* holiday - at last in my eyes.
I used to try and bush off the "big deal" of Xmoose. My family was a state away and I wasn't being close with them. I was pretty poor, and after a while it just got to be a drag to be the only one who cared about it. I love the way it makes me fel when it's done with an honest heart, when gifts are given with somthing other than a sense of obligation, or eforts are made to crate a glowing day. I still can see miracles - I'm still a child in that way. I know that's a rather unpopular viewpoint, and I don't care... other than to wish I had the power to shake the jadedness of some. Tho I respect anyone's right to be jaded. I'd just love to share that feeling that creeps into my heart during this time of year.
But I digess, and it's impotant to say that I think my Mom's holidays were fairly sparkling, all things considered. There were well-thought-out gifts, surprises, family, good food, companionship, and a strong feling of love.
I think that is more than I had expected, and I count the day as a success.
Yes, I hate the commercialism. I detest some of the ubiquitous holiday cliches that turn so many people off to the season. But as with anything... the Holidays are what you make of them. I am blessed with a reunion with my family - no matter how terrible the factors that bought us back together, this is a good thing ultimately - great friends, a super relationship, many opportunities before me, and a hopeful heart. These are things worth celebrating. In three days I will be 38. That's worth celebrating. We ae all still alive, and that is absolutely worth celebrating.
Love and happiness to you all on this day, and the rest of your lives.
