I'm not who you want me to be.

[xiane]

Once again, I'm not living up to someone's image of what they think I am. I guess it's flattering to be so important to someone that they put me up on a pedestal, so to speak... but c'mon. I'm NOT anything but who I am. I respect that people seem to think highly of me - hell, that's awesome. And I feel bad that I don't seem to be able to live up to someone's expectations of me... but I also realize that this person's expectations aren't based on the reality of me, but what they've idealized about me. I'm sorry. But that's not me. If I start operating in a way that fulfills all the things you've got built up in your head about me, I won't be me anymore. I'll be something completely different, and what's worse, you would probably become disappointed with that me, as well. I'm not angry that I'm being compared unfavourably to an image... hell, I know that the comparison and disappointment come out of love for me, and that is reassuring. Trust me, it is HARD to know I'm failing someone who cares... but I haven't done anything contrary to my general nature, I promise you. I'm me. I always have been.